#thing for me only djfkkglg

[skitskatdacat63]

oc ramble:

Noir is so funny to me bcs she's like genuinely a terrible person who's done terrible things, but is also surprisingly well adjusted in many other ways. So much so that she's basically "reformed" two other ocs into being better people, people who are at least now more comfortable with life and themselves, simply by virtue of having the capacity to show love and care comfortably and openly. Her dichotomy is just funny like, goes from being feral at the chance of ripping someone's throat out and getting bloody, and the next second being like, omg I can't believe how little care you have for yourself, let me bathe and feed you!!

I guess its bcs she grew up with a loving family(a rare thing among my ocs) and she's fucked up just because she's fucked up, not because her environment, y'know? So like, yes, she commits unspeakable acts of violence. But she's also so caring and so genuinely loving in a way that comforts people. Rüß is only the way she is now because Noir kept pestering her all the time and broke down her walls and made her into the person she always should've been. And uhhhh her relationship w Eclipse is fucked, but also the way she shows love unabashedly and wholeheartedly leads to such trust between them, despite past grievances. I just think it's interesting. Such an open, loving person alongside others with such severe trust issues and emotional detachment. And someone who actually cares about taking care of herself. Maybe it's not a great thing to feel zero shame and regret about your actions. But would that not be an admirable thing to someone who feels shame about everything?

I think if you were only acquaintances(*not from work tho lmfao, very important to note), you'd probably find her to be very normal and admirable. Like, wow, now here's a women who has her shit together. And then people who truly know her are like uhhhhhhh. But then again, even people who know both sides to her find it hard to reconcile these parts of her that seem at odds. She's all wolf-like and feral and covered in blood, and then goes home and does her skin care routine and cooks herself a three course gourmet meal.

Her and Eclipse is just such an interesting dynamic in this way particularly. Person who probably rightfully should feel shame/regret about things she's done, but doesn't, and rather feels comfortable and at peace with herself vs. Person who feels undeserved incredible shame/regret about about everything since birth, who then goes to do terrible things as well bcs its all pointless, isn't it? Neither of them are correct or healthy people but again, someone who is comfortable with themselves would be incredibly admirable to a person who just can't do the same. And in that way, begins to feel more comfortable themselves bcs they know the other is never going to judge them and loves them wholeheartedly.

Lmfao I know this won't make any sense to anyone other than me but!! Wanted to ramble bcs im thinking very deeply about this recently.